why has discipline become so taboo?

Remember discipline? The thing your grandparents always said was lacking in “kids these days”? They might have been onto something. In today’s world of parenting fads, participation trophies, and “my child can do no wrong”, discipline seems to be absent.

I get that all this gentle, kid-centric parenting is the trendy thing. We don’t want to damage Junior’s self-esteem or cramp his style. But let’s get real – kids NEED discipline! They might not WANT it, but they NEED it! Contrary to the new parenting fads, lack of discipline actually damages self-esteem.

What happens in families where parents are afraid to ever say no? We’ve all seen it. Toddler throws a tantrum in the store, the Parent gives them candy or a screen to keep the peace. That’s just bribery, not parenting. All you’re doing is kicking the can down the road and ten years later, you’ve got a rude, defiant kid with no respect for anyone.

The Downfall of Discipline

Just a few decades ago, discipline was the bread and butter of parenting. But now? It’s like a taboo word that you dare not speak. So, what happened to discipline? Why did it become the villain in the modern parenting narrative?

Discipline got a bad rap and it’s often confused with arbitrary punishment or authoritarianism. But let’s set the record straight—discipline is not about control; it’s about teaching self-control. It’s not about instilling fear; it’s about instilling values. And it’s not about breaking spirits; it’s about building character. Discipline says “I love you too much to let you act like a spoiled brat,” not “do it because I said so, or else!” With discipline, kids learn to cooperate, be responsible, and control their own actions. When you combine discipline with an open channel of communication kids feel secure knowing what to expect and are better prepared to handle conflicts. So, is there any evidence of this or am I being just another angry parent screaming into the void? Glad you asked.

Let’s talk about the book “Beating the Odds: Raising Academically Successful African American Males”. This book is a testament to the power of discipline in overcoming societal challenges. It’s not just about punishment; it’s about setting boundaries, expectations, and yes, discipline. It seems like discipline is important regardless of socio-economic status.

Wait…There’s more.

A paper titled  “Surviving the Care System: Education and Resilience”, covered the path and trajectory in life of kids who were placed in the welfare system in UK. Despite of the challenges that these kids faced the study showed that individuals who achieved the most in life often attributed their success to the discipline they received during their formative years.

So, if you think discipline is a relic of the past, think again.

We have discipline all wrong

As I said before, we’ve got this bad habit of mixing up discipline with random punishment. Big thanks to the “my way or the highway” parents for that mix-up. You know them—the domestic tyrants who think they’re running a 24/7 boot camp instead of a family. That approach it’s the other extreme to permissive parenting. Screaming at kids or using arbitrary physical discipline sends messages of fear and disconnect rather than respect. Having clear expectations paired with reasonable consequences when rules are broken provides an environment of security.

Haven’t we figured out that you can’t scare a kid into behaving well? The minute they’re out of sight, all bets are off.

Discipline is important, but sometimes we parents mess up. We think discipline means only punishment, and that’s just wrong. Discipline is about teaching, not hurting. It’s about setting boundaries, not building walls. And for goodness’ sake, it’s not about yelling until you can’t talk anymore. That’s not discipline; that’s just losing it, and nobody wins when that happens.

Where do We Go From Here

In a world that often equates discipline with negativity, it’s time to reclaim its true meaning and value. Discipline is the cornerstone of raising high-achieving, emotionally resilient, confident kids. It’s the framework that supports the house of character, integrity, and success.

Discipline is not the enemy – when properly applied, it gives kids the structure they need to feel safe, learn cooperation, and develop self-regulation. A household with no discipline risks breeding chaos and egotism. If you want to raise kids who are high-achieving, emotionally resilient, and confident, it’s time to get back to basics. Trust me; your kids will thank you for it someday.

Those are my thoughts, let me hear yours