Parenting in America—the land where everyone has an opinion on how to raise your child, including those who don’t have kids. Let’s be honest; something’s wrong.

This isn’t your run-of-the-mill generational critique about “today’s youth.” There’s an escalating worry about the state of parenting in the U.S., often mislabeled as an educational system failure. The truth is, schools aren’t designed to teach ethics or build self-esteem; those foundational elements are supposed to be instilled at HOME and then practiced in society. The evidence is hard to ignore: from a shocking rise in school shootings (it’s not just a gun issue) to our declining educational performance relative to other countries.

We all want the same thing: to provide a safe and nurturing environment that will produce high achieving, emotionally resilient kids. So, what’s wrong? Let’s take a look.

The Shift in Parenting Styles: From Authority to Friendship

I already wrote about this topic more in depth. Please check it out here.

Remember when parents were the authority figures, and kids listened? Yeah, me neither.

According to the study “Parenting style as context: An integrative model” by Nancy Darling and Laurence Steinberg, which has been cited a staggering 8,976 times, parenting styles are influenced by cultural contexts. Parenting has become as trend-driven as our obsession with dietary fads. In the United States, there’s been a noticeable move toward more permissive and less authoritative styles of parenting, a shift that has been associated with a variety of emotional and behavioral challenges in children.

Another study, “The relation of parenting style to adolescent school performance”, cited 3,994 times, correlates this shift with declining academic performance. So, not only are we failing to instill discipline, but we’re also setting our kids up for academic mediocrity. Bravo!

Takeaways: Please STOP being their friend! Kids need a safe environment, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to. Above all, they need structure and guidance from an adult who has their best interest in mind a.k.a a Parent.

Socioeconomic and Cultural Contexts

Although the cultural context is more prevalent in the shifts that we see in parenting styles, the socioeconomic issues are hard to ignore.

The study “Contexts of child rearing: Problems and prospects”, cited 2,625 times, tells us that challenges in parenting are universal across all socioeconomic levels and ethnic groups.

In the United States, the growing disparity in income levels and the erosion of conventional family frameworks have complicated parenting. The increasing income gap has become a significant barrier for many parents, limiting their access to resources that were once freely available decades ago but are now restricted by paywalls. This trend of commercializing every aspect of life has generated considerable wealth (for the few), but it has also given rise to significant societal problems. It’s as though we’re orchestrating our own downfall, only to express surprise when things inevitably go awry.

Takeaways: The income gap it’s an issue. Politics aside, we have to collectively fight for access to some of the same resources that were available to parents only a generation ago. Progress does not mean trading in our cultural and societal values for the latest trends or convenience.

The Stress Factor: Now With More Categories!

Parenting is inherently stressful, but the levels of stress experienced by American parents seem to be on the rise. Oh no, you mean to tell me that income inequality leads to more stress too! The American parent has to work more just to keep up, not build wealth. The “Parenting Stress Index”, a book cited 7,583 times (clearly, we’re all stressed), identifies parents in need of guidance and support. This isn’t just your average, “I’m tired” stress. We’re talking about stress levels that can lead to dysfunctional parent-child relationships and put kids at risk for emotional and behavioral issues.

Takeaways: I know stress well, we are BFF’s sometimes. Try your best not to let every little grievance seep into your family life. Share your issues if you’re willing to provide context and use them as a learning tool. Coming home and complaining about the world will pass your stress downstream and build a cynical worldview for your kids. If you want to vent to someone, make it your significant other, your parents, or just phone a friend (at your own risk 😉)

In Conclusion

The concerns I bring up are by no mean exhaustive. The downside is that some of these issues are big, societal things that won’t change overnight. But here’s the upside: you don’t have to fix the whole world to make things better at home with your family. I know this first hand.

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