Are you teaching this to your kids? Better Start Now.

freedom of choice ≠ freedom of consequence.

Freedom. That beautiful, intoxicating word that makes us feel invincible, as if we’re the masters of our own destiny. It’s the word that my 11-year-old middle child (because it’s always the middle one, isn’t it?) proudly brandished like a sword when he came home one day to declare his newfound independence. “We live in a free country, so I can do whatever I want,” he announced, as if he had just discovered the secret to eternal happiness.

I was tempted to laugh it off, tell him to go to his room, and do his homework. But then I remembered my own childhood, where my father’s dismissive attitude only fueled my frustration and widened the gap of understanding between us. So, I decided to do something different. I told my son that we would talk about this later. I had some homework to do: converting my adult wisdom into a lesson suitable for an 11-year-old. And now, I’ve decided to share this wisdom with you.👇

The Illusion of Absolute Freedom

Let’s start by debunking the myth of “absolute freedom,” shall we? The idea that living in a free country means you can do whatever you want is as absurd as believing that eating a salad once will make you fit for life. Sure, you have the freedom to make choices, but that doesn’t mean you’re free from the consequences of those choices.

Remember those viral videos where adults—yes, grown-ups who should know better—offend someone and then act shocked when they get a less-than-pleasant response? It’s as if they missed the memo that freedom is a two-way street. You’re free to be offensive, but guess what? The other person is also free to react, and that reaction might just be a fist to your face.

Freedom to offend sometimes means a fist your face

Choices and Consequences: A Package Deal

You see, freedom isn’t just about making choices; it’s also about facing the consequences of those choices. Whether it’s choosing to skip a workout and then complaining about not losing weight, or deciding to insult someone and then playing the victim when things escalate, the choices we make come with a tag-along friend called “consequence.”

Don’t just take my word for it; let’s bring in some scholarly evidence to back up this claim. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who were made aware of the potential negative consequences of their actions were more likely to make responsible choices. In other words, understanding that there’s no such thing as a “consequence-free choice” can actually lead to better decision-making.

The Parental Paradox: Rules in a “Free Country”

Now, let’s circle back to my 11-year-old’s declaration of independence. He didn’t like some of my rules, and he thought that living in a “free country” meant those rules shouldn’t apply to him. Oh, the naivety of youth! You see, rules are the framework that allows freedom to exist in the first place. Imagine driving on a road with no traffic rules. It would be chaos, wouldn’t it? Rules are there to ensure that everyone’s freedom is protected, not just yours.

The concept of rules safeguarding freedom isn’t new. It dates back to the Social Contract Theory, as proposed by philosophers like Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, and Jean-Jacques Rousseau. According to this theory, individuals agree to follow certain rules and give up some personal freedoms in exchange for the benefits of living in a developed society. So, my dear child, living in a “free country” doesn’t mean you’re exempt from rules; it means you’re part of a social contract that allows for the greater good. For a deeper dive into this, you can read works like Hobbes’ Leviathan, Locke’s Two Treatises of Government, and Rousseau’s The Social Contract.

The Bottom Line: Freedom Comes with a Price Tag

So, the next time you’re tempted to wave the “freedom” flag as an excuse for irresponsible behavior, remember that freedom isn’t a get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s a responsibility, a privilege, and yes, sometimes a burden. You’re free to make choices, but you’re not free from the consequences of those choices. And that, my friends, is the inconvenient truth about freedom.

So go ahead, exercise your freedom. Just don’t be surprised when the bill for the consequences comes due. Because trust me, it always does.

Ultimately, as a parent, you should have age appropriate conversations about this concept. I know firsthand that it’s an important one and it will score great points in the self-confidence column for your kids.